How I Know I’ve Grown

For the last two weeks or so, I’ve had this constant feeling of dizziness. Initially, I convinced myself it was an ear infection. A few days later, Dr. Google got the best of my and all of a sudden I had a self diagnosis of cancer, as well as non-refundable Vertigo. A life sentence, if you will. During this week, I have been unable to drive and go about my usual activities, such as perusing Costco for too long. Essentially, I have been a dizzy zombie, which has manifested in the form of the always lovely panic attack. “What if this is F.O.R.E.V.E.R?” my mind asks, on repeat. Cue panic attack. Crying, gasping for breath, repeat for good measure.

Today was day 11 of the dizziness. It has gotten a bit better, in part because I went to three doctors, all who have confirmed it is not a rare form of cancer, but rather a sinus infection. Part of it is probably the enormous amount of sleep and Claritin-D I have been taking. Anywho, I found myself in the “Is this forever?!” debacle this afternoon. For the first 10 days, this erupted into uncontrollable tears. Today, ya girl did something different. I said “uh-uh Anxiety goblin, you’re not going to have me today.” AND I WENT FOR A WALK.

It was lovely out. 52 degrees and sunny in December in Chicago calls for a damn parade. So I took a walk. I listened to a podcast on 1480981 ways to make this new year THE BEST YEAR EVER. I saw some squirrels sunbathing. It was a good time. Not once did I cry. My lip never even quivered. Today, I was stronger than my anxiety. Today, I am proud of myself.

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